That's two six-shooters to be exact.

Monday, May 26, 2008

I'm back.. I had to undergo several failed attempts to get my password right.

Today's the 27th. A day before my 17th birthday and exactly 2 years after you were brought to the hospital.

A lot has happened in those 2 years. I went through tough shit. Especially at the start of my second year in high school. I can't believe I got through it without actually trying to commit suicide. I can remember those moments quite vividly.. How I cried every night before going to sleep, waking up to a fight between me and dad almost everyday, intentionally being late for class, and going home to have another argument with your husband. I can't remember what we were always fighting about. But I can remember I was really fucking mad at him for it.

Good thing sis was home. She made sure that I was still thinking straight despite the emotional trouble I know she's also going through. It was then that I truly valued her being there. We grew closer. While me and dad were slowly drifting apart. But she had to go to UAE to pursue her career.

Kuya also became nicer to me. He grew out of his immature self and started acting like the grown-up he's supposed to be. He's got his own family now and I am proud of him for taking on the responsibility for his child.

Dad secretly has his girlfriend now. I don't know what the fuck he is thinking about dropping hints that he has one. He even had the nerve to bring his fucking mistress (and her children) to my niece's baptism. He told us she was her "business partner". Yeah fucking right.

He has also been out everyday. Well, except for the rare Wednesdays or Sundays when he's at home.

During these 2 years I have become independent. And I mean really independent. That happens when you live in a house where your father's always out and with a brother and his girlfriend working the graveyard shifts.

I can't help think what would it be like if you didn't leave us. You must have been working now. I remember you were supposed to go back to your nursing job so we could move out of the country. You were spoiling me. And I didn't even thank you for everything you have done. You have tolerated my selfishness until the end and I am sorry for it.

I hope you'll visit me in my dreams some time. I want to hug you tight. I hope you're happy with cho, your dad and uncle bong up there in heaven. I really miss you so, so fucking much. I love you mom. Wait for us to get there.

Labels: I

Posted By x at 10:07 AM

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